My Own Obesity Epidemic

Sorry for the mucho late post, but I met up with my family at a local breakfast place. In typical midwestern style, they served each of us enough food to feed a small, inpoverished nation, thereby making me feel both guilty and sick. There may be starving people in foreign countries, but we’re going to eat enough to fall into our own personal obesity epidemic.

It was tasty, though! (nothing tastes as good as fat feels…oh wait, that might be wrong) I ordered the pancakes with eggs, bacon, home fries, and toast. The home fries weren’t touched, one half of one pancake was eaten, the eggs were split between me and the Captain, and the bacon was all his. I didn’t eat HALF of the meal and right now, I am considering the best way to to end my pain. Did I mention the Captain also downed a bowl of oatmeal at such a rapid fire pace I thought he may puke? Oh yes, he did.

Why is it that kids on vacation won’t eat for DAYS and then all of a sudden it’s like a soldier coming home from war and landing smack dab in a boobie bar? They go crazy.  They don’t care if the boobs have gonorrhea or the oatmeal is 175F, they’re diving in.

Now, I have really important things to attend to. I have to watch “Long Island Medium” and possibly go to Target. As you can see, I live a very exciting life and I have run out of swedish fish and dunkin donuts coffee. That just isn’t right. Red fish made of car wax, sugar, and speed are necessary to my being. Just like wine. And spanx.

 

 

6 thoughts on “My Own Obesity Epidemic

  1. I order the same kind of food when I go out to eat and I always want to die afterward...and I never finish. But you're right, it sure is tasty. I think your quote is what Kate Moss really meant to say :D

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