Sweet, Arse Flavored Soap.

Ten things I dislike about today

  1. The Peanut is sick. I *think* it may just be teething, but either way…
  2. January Joiners. My gym was PUH-ACKED today. Trust me when I tell you, none of them got the memo on gym etiquette. (just when you think you’re wearing enough deodorant, add more, don’t use more than one locker, TOWEL AND SANITIZE, don’t take the front row on the spin bikes if you are going to FALL OFF AND VOMIT.)
  3. UV cake flavored vodka, it tastes less of cake and more of sweet, ass flavored soap.
  4. Drug Stores don’t carry organic milk. I really think they should.
  5. I am out of magnesium and the GNC beside my gym closes before my class lets out. Now I’ll never know if I can make myself magnetic.
  6. “Party of Five’s” Scott Wolf played a bad guy on NCIS. He’s the older brother everyone wants, who apparently, can kill a whole party of five. LACEY NOOOOOO!!!
  7. It’s not acceptable for me, as a woman, to be in a polygamist marriage with LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell.
  8. Speaking of marriage, The Cop didn’t eat my delicious squash, based on the principal that he doesn’t like squash. That is a lousy reason. Little does he know, it’s in his lunchbox for tomorrow.
  9. The Jets aren’t in the playoffs, so I have no superbowl party to look forward to. I suppose I could throw a party if the Giants get in, but it seems unlikely. I wanted to do all green foods. There was going to be green eggs and spam, broccoli in green goddess dressing, green beer, creme de menthtinis. The desserts were also going to be on a “Shark” shaped table. Bonus points if you get the reference. (and please, snap and dip)
  10. I can’t tell whether I like or dislike #10. Rick Santorum is leading the Iowa Caucus. Negative is that it means more time with boring old Rick Santorum in the debates, positive is more Santorum jokes.

I am tired. I killed it at BodyPump and Spin and my teacher put me in the leader bike which made me feel like I was awarded that Student of the Week title I never received in 4th grade. I’d make a joke about my fourth grade teacher being the devil, but seeing as how she’s dead, seems rude.

I am confident that the people around me in BodyPump and spin smelled NOTHING coming from me other than the scent of awesome. Or maybe just the smell of fear from trying desperately to do everything perfectly on the leader bike. Luckily, I was not the one who fell off the bike and hurled. Pobre newbies. Take it easy, loves.

I felt like I was on the first episode of a new season of “Biggest Loser” only instead of morbidly obese, I was surrounded by the moderately chubby. I have been both obese AND chubbs, and I am rooting for them to wear more AXE to kick more ass.

 

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