Chinese Curse Words

May Goals

  1. lose 6-8 lbs
  2. make appointment with plastic surgeon and GP about getting extra skin hacked at.
  3. eat 10% less sugar
  4. learn how to properly swear in Mandarin so that I have some grip on what my grandmother-in-law is saying on the regular
  5. say one nice thing about a stranger every day
  6. say one nice thing about myself every day
  7. learn to play mah-jong and get better at my poker face or aforementioned grandmother-in-law will mop the floor with me
  8. jump rope for 10 minutes straight
  9. get better with knives for upcoming audition
  10. retain all digits and appendages
  11. try not to cry when dropping the Captain off at his first drop-off Kung Fu class
  12. memorize every moment I can of these last few months before pre-k.
  13. diligently track food and exercise
  14. get a facial
  15. plan a trip to DC with the kiddos
  16. in general: kick ass.
  17. oh, and drink more water. (always on the list)

I so far have no plan on how I will accomplish these goals. This month is about to get cray. My husband’s work is going to be bananas, my work is going into overdrive, auditions are flying like pigeons around a fast food restaurant, everyone and their mother are training for SOMETHING, and I have no less than 4 work trips. I think number 13 will be the most important of all goals. Number 13 and number 4. Swearing is usually important. Just ask my dad’s printer, because apparently, that is how you fix the ink. First, you call it a slew of profane names in such a cadence that it would make Chris Rock blush; if that doesn’t work, resort to violence. 

I have a plan for number 3. I need to make smaller desserts, so packed with flavor and nutrients, that I don’t think to myself, “I bet I still have a Trader Joe’s bag of jelly beans somewhere!”

In come the balls.

The balls I made yesterday, while looser than most, and a bit more tricky to get to tighten up, fit both categories. Nutrients AND flavor. MMMM. They have protein, magnesium, healthy fats, vitamins A and E (fat soluable, by the way) and damn, are these some good balls.

Almond Protein Balls

Almond Protein Balls

by Cat Tan


  • 1/3 cup almond butter
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1 cup quick oats
  • 1/3 cup honey
  • 1/3-1/2 cup coconut milk
  • 1/2 cup sliced almonds
  • 3 tbsp dark chocolate chips
  • 1 scoop vanilla protein powder, I use Optimum Nutrition performance whey
  • 1/2 tsp almond extract


combine all ingredients and stir, if it is too loose to form into balls, add a bit more protein powder and quick oats, too firm? add more milk.

form into balls and freeze immediately.

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Do you have any goals for this month?

Do you like nuts in your balls?

11 thoughts on “Chinese Curse Words

  1. I LOVE nuts in my balls. Also, #8...that's bad ass. I'm huffing and puffing after barely 2 mins. I'm also incredibly uncoordinated with the whole jump rope thing and can't do anything but the normal "jump". The high knees kind trip me up (literally) every.single.time.
  2. Let's Jumble your goals!! lose 6-8 lbs make appointment with grandmother-in-law about getting extra skin hacked at. eat 10% less strangers learn how to properly swear in Mandarin so that I have some grip on what my plastic surgeon and GP are saying on the regular say one nice thing about sugar every day say 10% more nice things about (yourself) every day learn to play jump rope with aforementioned grandmother-in-law and a mop jump knives for 10 minutes straight get better with Kung-Fu for upcoming audition retain 10% of all digits and appendages Get a facial when dropping the Captain off at his first drop-off Kung Fu class diligently track food and kicking ass Drink more and plan a trip to pre-K with the kiddos I like this list, too.
  3. You already kick A! Wish I could help you with the Mandarin swear words and the knives! That is so exciting that there are so many auditions right now, GOOD LUCK!
  4. I love crunchy nuts in balls! Geez, it's so hard not to laugh to my self every time I say, read, hear, or think of a sentence with these words. Great post and recipe, I actually posted a somewhat similar recipe using quinoa, protein powder, and almonds - Thanks for the great entertainment I receive in my inbox every day!

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