I am naturally body shy. It’s not because I have a problem with nudity, quite the contrary, actually. I would rather my son see a jillion pairs of boobs on evening television than see someone get shot or raped. Television, as it stands now, prefers to show the worst things in human nature, in graphic detail and living color, than it does body parts that 50% of the population have at any given time.
I am not “body shameful”. Even though I am not comfortable enough to chat up the naked ladies in the locker room, but then again, I don’t love talking to anyone a mere 10″ from my person. PERSONAL SPACE, PEOPLE. I only talk to people that close if I am trying to intimidate them…that doesn’t happen often.
This past weekend it seemed like nudity was all around me. I had friends that were going to a Russian Bath house, where the dress code is unclothed; Meghann from Meals and Miles ran a nudie 5k, a girlfriend of mine, who is an artist, did an art installation with naked people painted Mr Goodbody style, and my agent and I had a long conversation about whether or not I would do nude scenes after my surgeries.
Here was my answer, “I have no idea”. I have no idea because I’ve never been a position to consider it. Now that I will be, I find I have no answer. I know that my mother has told me repeatedly to never show my boobs, but she has pretty strict puritanical midwestern sensibilities about nudity. (I think she showers fully clothed.) My husband says he doesn’t love the idea, but isn’t strictly opposed to it. I have no real opinion. I have had friends who were totally in the buff ON STAGE, not just on camera, and I’ve always really admired their body confidence. In front of a camera and small crew is one thing, 1500 pairs of eyes is somewhat different.
One of my friends even had to don a “merkin” for authenticity. You read that right, a “merkin”. In case you don’t know what that is, let me explain it for you; a “merkin” is a ladyflower toupee. In this day and age of waxing, appearing like someone would in the 1400s, is a bit “difficult”. It’s a beard for your britney, held on with the same glue they use to hold false noses in place.
There is now naked yoga,(aka, “give your friend a visual pap smear!) naked 5ks, nude beaches, naked pool parties, (I hope the chlorine is flowing freely) and even one “naked acting class” at a fairly respectable NYC acting school. Although, I want to be confident enough in myself to be able to do these things, I don’t know if the fat person who lives in my head would ever be able to do any of it. Of all of the issues left over from my weight loss, my inner fat person is the one holding on the longest.
It almost feels like a separate person who lives in my head, with only a moderate sense of schizophrenia. I feel her all the time, when I go to buy food, when I go shopping for a dress, when I’m hanging out with friends or at an audition, I can hear her talk to me. “you don’t want that dress, it will look awful;””they’re going to want a slender woman for this role, you may as well go home”, “why bother going, people will just look right through you.”
I find that killing my inner fat girl voice seems to be a lot harder than it is giving up 3 slice pizza night Tuesday, or cheesecake friday. She just WON’T die, so I’ve decided to name her and treat her like any other red-headed stepchild living in my head. I’m going to have to learn how to tell her to piss off. I’ve decided her name is “Fatitha”. The next time she tells me I shouldn’t buy a dress because I’m too fat, I’m going to have to figure out a way to tell her to STFU. I’m thinking bull-horn; mostly because I’ve always wanted to sound a bullhorn in Forever 21 and see if anyone can hear it above the techno music. I think not.
If you think I sound crazy, i probably do, but let me tell you, I am friends with LOTS of formerly obese people, and I’m not alone. (and I’m not JUST talking about Fatitha living with me) Lots of post weight-loss people battle inner fat demons. Think “Emily Rose” with a love of Dunkin Donuts.
Fatitha would have NO issue with last night’s meal, though. It’s healthy AND perfect for meatless Monday.
Mediterranean Mini Stuffed Eggplant. Packed with middle eastern flavors, and tons of nutrition, it’s great as a meal on its own, just add some bread or rice.
Mediterranean Mini Stuffed Eggplant
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
- 4 mini eggplants (also called “indian eggplant”)
- 4 oz feta cheese, cubed
- 1/2 english cucumber
- 1 large tomato
- 1 tbsp chopped garlic
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 1/4 cup chopped parsley
- juice of half a lemon
- salt and pepper
preheat oven to 350F
wash eggplant and slice lengthwise 3/4 way through and down each eggplant
stuff the slits with equal parts garlic, salt, and pepper
chop the cucumber, feta, and tomato in 1/2″ dice
bake the eggplants until just tender
scoop out the inside of each eggplant
combine eggplant with feta, tomato, cucumber, lemon juice, salt, pepper, and olive oil
stuff the eggplants.