Tiny Manipulative Jerks Love Me.

You ever have one of those days where you simply don’t feel like you fit in anywhere? Today is most assuredly one of those days. Some of my closest friends are actors who have had a great deal more success than I have, and even though they repeatedly assure me that it was only because I chose to have children, and I’m on the right track now, it doesn’t seem to matter to my brain.

After I became pathetically sappy about that, I decided to re-arrange family pictures in my album so that they’d be ordered by year. Of course, my “middle children don’t fit in” streak came to the fore. I swear to you, I must be a foundling. I have zero interest in sports that don’t require you to drink a PBR while playing (a la kickball, drunken dodgeball, really dangerous darts) and living in a small town holds no interest to me. Beyond that, my siblings and I look nothing alike. (obviously, I am the best looking, though they/their significant others might say they are, but really, having never seen them, you’re going to have to take my really sketchy word about this.) If it was not for our collective acerbic wit, I’d swear my mother must have taken home a safe haven law baby from the ED.

Thankfully, I have a couple of little bits who remind me every day just where i belong. The best thing ever? The Peanut has started to tell me “luv yeeeewwwww”. Which, if you’re a parent, you know that the first few times they say this, it is a ridiculously soothing balm to the soul, even if they’ve already surmised that saying this after say, dumping coconut all over the rug will get them a get out of toddler jail free card.

Children are manipulative little jerks, thank the gods they’re also adorable.

Moving on! It’s SUNDAY!! That means SUNDAY SWEET!! This one is a rather “adult” waffle. (it has boobs…or not) It is filled with boozy cherries. Yes, you can buy these, soaked in moonshine or amaretto, or crystal meth, I’m not entirely sure what all they sell them as, but making them makes them better. IF you want to say, feed these to kids, use jarred maraschino cherries. Or, expect your children to be either very well-behaved, or very naughty for some time after consumption.

Please, though, make this recipe. It’s life changing–and not just because you ate too many and got the ol’ eggs fertilized. You’d simply end up like me, an emo blogger who drowns her sorrows in waffles and coffee. You’re welcome.

Cherry Waffles with Coconut and White Chocolate

white chocolate cherry waffles

cherry white chocolate waffles

Cherry Waffles with Coconut and White Chocolate

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Keywords: bake breakfast bread dessert side snack vegetarian

Ingredients (4 waffles)

  • 2 cups AP flour
  • 1/3 cup egg whites
  • 1/4 cup canola oil
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 cup boozy or maraschino cherries with juice
  • 1/2 cup white chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup shredded coconut
  • 1 tsp coconut extract
  • 1/2 tsp salt


sift together dry ingredients, set aside

preheat waffle iron

stir together wet ingredients with cherries

slowly stir in dry ingredients

spray waffle iron and add 1/4 of the batter to the iron

cook until baked

top with plain greek yogurt, coconut shreds, and more cherries

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8 thoughts on “Tiny Manipulative Jerks Love Me.

  1. amaretto cherries? ohheckyes! Someday I shall procure a waffle iron [car first, I haz priorities] and then these will be mine! Love it! Also, she has you whipped. Be prepared for many get out of jail free cards. And cuteness
  2. I'm TOTALLY taking each and every one of your sketchy words for it...hey, there has to be balance in ALL aspects of life, right? No way it would have been fair for all of your mother's children to look so gwaaaagous! ;) And yes, these waffles MUST happen...especially since I've finally been able to get a WHOLE waffle out of my waffle iron recently...without the use of carving/prying devices...ie, chopsticks! ;) But seriously, I put down like 5 jars of maraschino cherries in one sitting! I think there IS crack in them! lol

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