Porn, Paleo, and Parliament.

After spending a disproportionate amount of time with Europeans, I have come to a few realizations.

1. Pale is beautiful…or at least not sickly like we view it in the US.

2. Wine and beer are their own food groups and should be served at every meal…sometimes even breakfast.

3. They think the tea party is even crazier than I think the tea party is. (awkward sentence much, Cat?) They might be on to something there.

4. MY KNOWLEDGE OF FOREIGN GOVERNMENTS IS ATROCIOUS AND MUST BE FIXED. I cannot believe how effing DUMB I am about major European and Asian nations systems of government. I pride myself of being well-read, and having a pretty broad breadth of knowledge in many and sundry areas of expertise. I have a GIANT GAP. Not even my vast knowledge of all things “Dr Who” can make up for it.  Apparently, evil-alien killer santas are not that impressive a conversation topic when up against a debate on the values of the EU versus a single, national currency.

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, THEY HAD GUNS!! SANTA DOESN’T USE A GUN!! HE USES PEER PRESSURE AND GUILT!!!

I have decided to repair this. My first stop was CrashCourse on YouTube, because…well, I’m pretty nerdy, so I thought of nerdfighteria first. Alas, as AMAZEBALLS as that channel is, it’s more geared toward spaces of time further back in history.

Alas, I ended up doing what I always do when truly confounded. I called one of my professor friends who happens to teach current world politics, and forced him to email me a bunch of links. He’ll get cookies and a proofread paper out of the deal. Win/Win

This is how I’ll be spending my Monday. In the library, perusing governmental structures of various nations. I refuse to be the stereotypical American who knows little but talks much. (I prefer to be stereotypically American in my love of fried foods, sketch comedy, and ugly, yet practical and comfortable footwear.)

But I do have a bone to pick with Europeans. Don’t think I’m letting them off of the snark hook, I cannot.

French pedicures are SUPER popular among Europeans of many nations in the EU. REALLY, EUROPEANS!?!??! WHY DO YOU WISH TO EMPHASIZE THE LENGTH OF YOUR TOENAILS???!?!!!??? “HERE!! LOOK HOW LONG I LET THEM GROW!! THAT’S NOT GROSS OR DISTURBING AT ALL!!!”

yes it is. it is very gross and very disturbing. pick a color, any color, just not a white stripe at the tip that points to a lack of personal grooming.

Also? They’re not really embracing the paleo trend. Ok, by me. More nuts for the rest of us. To be fair, their late night tv is basically porn…I think that cures their caveman urges.

Caveman Cocoa Cookies (because, alliteration.)

photo 4 (48)photo 3 (53)photo 1 (54)

Caveman Cocoa Cookies

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: bake paleo cookie

Ingredients (18 cookies)

  • 1 cup dates, dried. (packed, not loose) PITTED
  • 1 cup roasted, salted almonds
  • 1 square unsweetened chocolate (one ounce)
  • 2 tbsp maple syrup
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 2 tbsp nut butter (all natural)
  • 3 tbsp egg whites
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 cup dried cherries

Instructions

preheat oven to 350F

grind nuts into a powder in food pro, not a paste

add dates, grind again

add cocoa and chocolate

grind again

stir in remaining ingredients

scoop onto greased cookie sheet, flatten a bit with your hand

bake 10 minutes

Powered by Recipage

5 thoughts on “Porn, Paleo, and Parliament.

  1. I object to the notion that my expertise in Brit TV does not make me an expert on all things European. In addition to Dr. Who, I am well-versed in Torchwood, and various & sundry 80s BritComs. Therefore, I am an expert in the intricacies of the EU monetary system, as well as various and sundry government structures. (Wills & Kate had a boy! See? Knowledge at work.)

talk foodie to me...