Today, I’m kicking it old school. I know that I said for the first edition of..
that I would be doing The Picture of Dorian Gray, however, the recipe I want to do for that book takes HOURS in the oven, and since it’s hotter than the proverbial mother fucker outside, that’s a big NO.
(aside: my use of “the proverbial” sort of bugs me. I think it’s overused. However, we do have a sort of proverbial mother fucker in Oedipus, that scallywag, so it’s ok. Also, probably a Lannister has had improper relations with their primary life-giver at some point…)
ANYWHOOOO, I ended up making waffles. Those were first invented in 1842/43 in Belgium, and spread across Europe like wildfire. So I went with that time. (Yes, TPoDG would also be that time–semantics–hush.)
I want to introduce you to a lovely, gripping, SHORT book you’ve probably never heard of or read. It’s FREEEEEE on Kindle and Smash and iBooks and Scribd….etc etc etc. Your library probably doesn’t have it.
It’s so under-appreciated that no one has ever given it a groovy cover!
There is a reason I’m not a graphic designer, people.
Anywhoooooo, I’m TERRIBLE AWFUL HORRIBLE at writing book summaries. But, since the author was unaware that Goodreads and blurbs would be a thing, and there isn’t a fucking blurb to be had, I’ll try it. Bear with me.
Picture it: England, sometime in the 1870s ish. There is this Baronet, Adrian Dynecourt, and he returns home after a long journey abroad. He immediately begins to entertain guests, as you do, and welcomes first his very-favorite heiress, Miss Florence Delmaine. Unfortunately, she is chaperoned by her widow cousin Dora the backstabbing turtlelover. Even more unfortunately, Sir Adrian’s cousin, Arthur the conniving assbasket also shows up. Thankfully, Adrian is a fellow who is stout of character and can put up with many shitshows all at once.
It is clear to every guest at Adrian’s months-long houseparty raver, that he’s way into Flo.
Dora the explora-ho thinks this is a bad match. Flo could make it rain for centuries and lasso herself a duke, and here she is, interested in a mere Baronet, who has but decades worth of stripper-monies in his coffers. Dora is pretty sure Adrian would be far better suited to, say, a widow of reasonable fortune with an ass to grab.
Well, wouldn’t you just know it? Arthur the alphadick, having little ability to even make a mist at a scantily-clad lady or gent, is desirous of an opportunity to to increase his worth and elevate his station. He’s a smooth talker, and convinces Dora the horror to help him split Adrian and Florence up, while leading Florence right into Artie the asscandle’s arms.
But this isn’t as easy as say, fleecing the aristocracy, or convincing scared, racist old, white people that Fox News is actually news, because Adrian and Florence remain pulled to one another…
That doesn’t stop Arthur the Awful and Dora the Double Agent from trying….Will karma kick them in the stones?
READ IT. MEOW.
Imagine if Jane Austen had a decidedly darker personality–or a bitchy twin. That, my lovelies, is Margaret Wolfe Hungerford. Unappreciated, and mostly forgotten, she’s worth a read.
Also, I DEMAND DAVINA PORTER NARRATE THIS AT ONCE. (pretty sure she answers to no woman.)
So, what book could I possibly have chosen as this great tome’s contemporary companion? Hmmmm????
She thought the best love affairs only happened in books…
Traumatized by the deaths of her parents three years ago, Natalie Hewitt lives an introverted life, taking college classes during the day and working as a barista in a coffee shop at night. A passionate reader, she uses the writing of the world-famous and reclusive novelist Rafael Melendez Mendón to assuage her grief. His words are her refuge, his characters better company than anyone she could meet in real life… until Julian Kovač walks into the café one summer evening. He is a handsome, quiet young man and Natalie feels an instant connection.
But Julian has a secret that is both the most wonderful revelation Natalie could possibly imagine…and the very thing that could tear them apart.
My argument for reading after Maggie’s book. (I think Ms Hungerford and I would’ve just gotten on like gangbusters, so I’ll call her Maggie. Mags, if we’re drinking.)
Orphans with income! Intrigue! Smart ladies and gents and the people who want them TO NOT KNOCK BOOTS, EVER.
Emma’s writing is fun and concise, and she’s not given to over-long descriptions, or crowding the main characters’s lives with nonsense. Her sense of timing in this book is impeccable, with just enough romance and suspense to keep you extremely interested without developing an ulcer.
It has the same sort of “we REALLY need to be honest with one another in order for the shit not to hit the fan” feeling of The Haunted Chamber, and it works really well.
Vegan Buttermilk Chocolate Chip Waffles
To de-vegan, use regular buttermilk, eggs instead of flax eggs, and melted butter in place of coconut oil.
Vegan Buttermilk Chocolate Chip Waffles
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 30 minutes (5 min/waffle)
Keywords: bake vegan
- 1.5 cups AP flour
- .5 cup rolled oats
- 1 cup vanilla soy milk plus 1 tbsp lemon juice, set aside for 10 minutes
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 2 tbsp flax meal with 6 tbsp water, set aside for ten minutes
- 1/4 cup coconut sugar (or regular sugar)
- 1/3 cup coconut oil
- 1 overripe banana, mashed
- 1 cup chocolate chips
mash the banana in a large bowl with the coconut oil
add in the flax and water, stir
add in the milk and lemon mixture, stir
stir in oats
sift in flour
add chips and baking powder
stir in chips
if it’s too dry, add a bit more milk
if it’s too wet, add a bit more flour
That’s the weird thing about vegan baking, sometimes batters act differently in different circumstances.
pour into greased waffle iron set to high and scoop enough in to cover 2/3 of it. close and bake.