Ninja Listening

YAY!! Today is

I know I’m positively giddy, because the last time I wrote one, it was the night before the landmark SCOTUS decision in favor of gay marriage, and WOOT! Now, I’m riding that high like everyone ever that was ever written by Lorelei James. (explanation of that joke to come…no pun intended.)

Get three more dudes and a lady in ropes, and you have a Lorelei James novel.

Today’s narrator is

Yes, he’s been featured on B2B before, hence the .gifliness, but never in his own post. So, why is it, that if he’s been discussed previously would I feature him? Honestly, because, even though I’m not a “genre” reader–meaning I don’t just read ONE genre all the time–I am genre-leaning, and with the past few months–leaning heavily on one genre, I end up repeating narrators as they tend toward one or two genres. And he’s one of the best.

While Luke Daniels has a resume that spans the width of any audio library, his narrations tend to mirror my own readings. Fantasies and romance, mysteries and thrillers.

I tend to listen to some genres and read the others, words on pages style. I listen to a fuckton of fantasy and romance. Even though I read pretty much everything. I am actually reading the hardcopy of Barefoot to Avalon right now. It’s crushing my soul.

Luke Daniels’s narration is terrifyingly smooth. It’s not just that he either is or has a great producer/director, because that couldn’t explain all of it. There is no hiccup of narration between one character and the next, and there’s no non-justifiable alteration in the character’s voice and intonation from the first minute to the last.

Think of it this way. ESPECIALLY in character-heavy novels such as The Iron Druid Chronicles or Magic 2.othe narrator is juggling between 3-4 main characters, and 10 or more secondary and tertiary characters. Each hour the listener hears takes between 2 and 2.5 hours to record, and several hours per hour of listening time to edit. So, if Off To Be The Wizard is 10 hours long, that’s 20 hours (at least) of narrating. Somehow, Luke Daniels manages each character with an exacting precision of a godsdamned acting ninja. (You never see their reactions coming.)

Yes, as a series goes on, the character voice alter slightly and mature–but so do people. However….

I have no idea how old Luke Daniels is. Based on the pictures on his twitter account–this must be him.

points removed for the bathroom selfie.

So, he could be anywhere from 7-97, and I have no idea–which is exactly the point. For the most part, when you hear someone’s voice, you can guess a range for their age. Tone and volume plus accents and phonics can give you a pretty good handle on a decade. I’ve probably listened to 19 of Luke Daniels’s narrated books, according to my audible app, and I just couldn’t fucking tell you. Each character has his or her own vocal image, and it’s completely heterogenous.

I am baffled by this ability. Luke Daniels narration is always a seamless and head spinning example of what the human voice is capable when combined with a surfeit of talent and instinct.

However, I did recently listen/read (because, whispersync) to Last Night at the Viper Room, which is all about River Phoenix, (aka the love of my childhood) and I would put him at about my age. (I’m obviously 25, even though River Phoenix died 20 years ago. I was an early bloomer, mother trucker.)

His narration is a head first, rock out with your cock out, fearless feat of vocal acting. He doesn’t pull back, and he doesn’t tone it down to make himself more comfortable.

I know, I’ve written over 600 words with no samples. Ok. Ok.

First things first: a small anecdote related to the first joke made.

Luke Daniels narrated a few Lorelei James novels. ON A WHIM, I downloaded these to my kindle for a research project, thinking I should include some erotica in the sample group. It’s not my typical genre. I don’t really live in that arena too much.

I was super pressed for time. A few new books were releasing soon, and I had a stack of ARCs needing read. So I downloaded the audio. Because, whispersync.  I was mostly through the first book, and I honestly had to turn it off occasionally because I thought my face had actually caught fire. I know I make SOMANYDIRTYJOKES here on B2B, but this book was something.else.entirely.

The

and I, when reading something surprising, often text one another with phrases like: “surprise public sex,” or “surprise anal,” or “surprise Jesus,” *sometimes all three in one book. But these books–yes, they’re a series–led to a whole new lexicon of “surprise” texts. LET’S BULLET POINT THEM.

  • surprise ladyflower lassoing
  • surprise prostate massage
  • surprise amateur porn
  • surprise preachers
  • I don’t think that was its intended use!!! NO NOT THERE!!!
  • surprise ninja sex.

And because the PSM and I have both had “accidentally caught listening to Lorelei James OUT LOUD AND IN PUBLIC–FUCKING FAULTY HEADPHONE PLUGS–incidents, I really wanted to put a sample of THAT in here. Because we should all be uncomfortable together. But after searching for one filthy clip in all of internetdom and coming up dry–pun intended–I decided to go with another.

A teaser clip from a book in the Iron Druid Chronicles. Because I love Oberon like I love vodka.

(He’s a lot less blond in that picture. Weird.)

The recipe for this narrator? GREAT LAKES FAVORITES TWISTS. I tweeted him, and he lives in Michigan, and being from the superior Great Lakes state of Ohio, I had a few ideas, and asked him what he thought about flavors. Yes to bacon and blue cheese.

Goooood, I can work with this. Even though I’m a vegan, my family isn’t, and nor is B2B.

But it is pasture-raised bacon and butter, as well as humane dairy blue cheese, and Frank’s Red Hot, because that shit is delicious.

You’re going to want to make this twist Great Lakes favorite, the pierogi, and probably sooner than later, but you can make-ahead and freeze for this year’s OSU-MICH game.

Buffalo and Bacon Pierogi.

buffalo and bacon pierogi

 

Listen and Eat. Buffalo and Bacon Pierogi and #Auralgasms , great #audiobook narrators. Click To Tweet

buffalo and bacon pierogi buffalo and bacon pierogi

Buffalo and Bacon Pierogi

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 1 hour of cooking and prep 20

Keywords: appetizer salad entree side snack

Ingredients (36 pierogi)

  • 45 wonton skins
  • 10 oz bacon
  • 3 lb peeled russet potatoes
  • 4 oz blue cheese plus more to crumble atop
  • 4 oz butter
  • 1 tsp salt plus more for potato water
  • 2 tsp chopped garlic
  • 3 tbsp finely grated onion
  • 1 tsp ground black pepper

for assembly and topping

  • one egg
  • as much Frank’s Red Hot as you like. I like lots. and lots.
  • scallions or chives
  • sour cream
  • onion

Instructions

boil potatoes to fork tender in salted water

add to mixing bowl

on medium, blend in salt, pepper, garlic, onion, butter, and 4 oz blue cheese

this should not be runny, it should be able to be piped onto the wonton skins, so it needs to be a little stiff

when it’s well mixed, let it come to room temp

meanwhile, bring a LARGE pot of water to boil

fry the bacon, and leave the grease in the pan.

AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE

scramble the egg and set aside

lay out a TON of skins on a counter

transfer potatoes from the bowl into a ziptop bag or piping bag

cut off tip 1″ from corner

pipe about 2 tbsp mix onto the CENTER of each skin

brush the egg around half of the edge of each skin and fold over into a crescent.

crimp the edges tightly. feel free to crimp over each crimp again, folding it onto itself.

place in the boiling water at least five at a time

heat the bacon fat on medium

remove pierogi CAREFULLY from boiling water and place in the bacon fat.

fry 2 minutes per side

top with Franks and dip in sour cream–or more blue cheese dressing if that’s your thing.

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