It’s Wafer Thin…

This post will mainly focus on the “Eater” half of “Reader/Eater,” but I wanted to quickly address what it is that I’m reading right now as well.


After You by JoJo Moyes. –harder than I thought to get into. I’m so stuck in the previous installment, I’m in a weird headspace about it.

Charles Dickens: A Biography by Claire Tomalin–it’s amazing. She’s a wonderful biographer.


Trueheart by Mel Sterling–for the second time in as many weeks. I simply adore it, and want to have all of my ideas fully-formed for my review.

The Past by Tessa Hadley The story is quite engaging and sharply written. The prose is sparse but lovely.


rereading Bound by Lorelei James–I NEVER thought I’d pick this book up again, but found myself missing the characters. (maybe not the prostate massage.)

The Dirt on the Ninth Grave by Darynda Jones–to be honest, haven’t started. The last installment was so AHHHH, that I haven’t pulled the trigger.


Nobody’s Baby But Mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips–it’s from 1997, and the “cassette” portions haven’t been edited out. It’s hilarious. (the cassette parts)

NOW! the rest of the story.

I’ve discussed my mental health quite a bit on the blog, and my physical health also, but I’ve rarely discussed my digestive health. This is mostly because I simply don’t want to discuss it. Scatalogical discussions don’t really thrill me. Though, my issues aren’t as, say, graphic as some.

I have a twisted intestine.If it sounds super-painful, that’s because it is. Because of this, I have pretty severe issues with air becoming trapped in pockets of my intestine and in my stomach, causing OMGSOMUCHBLOATING and pain.

This is exactly how I sometimes look after eating.

Anyways, for the past year+, I’ve been taking a STRONG proton pump inhibitor to relieve this issue. It works like a mother effing charm. However, it’s also contraindicated for another medicine I need more, and PPIs have recently been linked to chronic kidney disease. With my anemia, and my ADHD/MDD/GAD, I do NOT need another diagnosis, unless that diagnosis is “too awesome for words.” You know? So, I’ve had to ditch the PPI. That might not sound like a big deal, but when the pain of the bloating is so bad, and so constant, that you break out in chills and nearly throw up every twenty minutes, it’s a BIG FUCKING DEAL.

Chronic bloating is a fuckwit with a microphone. Not unlike this next guy…

see what I mean? He gives everyone a stomachache.

Coming off the PPI meant a LOT of research into anti-bloating diets. I found myself in the unlikely place of reading a Dr Weill article. You see, I’d previously put that doc in the same category as Dr Oz and Trump. Mouthpieces for their agenda. However, I just KEPT seeing research with his name on it. Like, real research. Researchy research.

So I read, and read, and read some more. I found peer-reviewed articles, anecdotal testimonies, and researched old wives’ tales. There is actually quite a lot of research on small intestinal microbacterial overgrowth and the like! FASCINATING! SCIENCE!

So I had one thing left to do.

well, science the air out of it, but it’s all relative.

I am NOT a nutritional scientist, so do your own damn research and due diligence as well, but I can tell you what’s been helping me, and where I’ve fallen short.

*probiotics. There’s so much research on this. I like the one they sell at Costco because I can buy it with my bulk soy milk and bananas.

*licorice and peppermint tea. If nothing else, it tastes great. Yogi sells a great one. Plus, you get those little yogi tea bits of trite wisdom!

*no straws. ever. seriously. They are like a bad bottle to a baby. My family draws the line at burping me. I think my husband would be amenable to spanking, but…Honestly, though. If you want a williwaw in your gut, by all means…

*live food. No, I don’t mean go bite a cow. I mean food that’s alive. Sauerkraut, kimchi, pickles, fermented veggies, yogurt, kombucha, ACV. Live food.

*drink a fuckton of mineralized water. I am referring to water with mint or ginger and other soothing things added. I use mint, ginger, lemon and lime. Keep a pitcher handy.

*eliminate regular dairy and meat. I KNOW I’M A SPECIAL SORT OF BITCH FOR EVEN SAYING THIS, but, it takes a truly long time to digest, and that’s bad news bears. Fatty fish is easier on the tumbly.

*drink celery and cucumber juice. WEIRD, right? But the literature is there, and it’s downright lovely when you make a blend.

*squats. lots of squats. deep ones.

Where I’m sucking, but I hear is really helpful.

*eat slowly

*no booze

*no sugar

*processed grains

presoak your beans

even more squats.

Can you beat the bloat? You could try! #juicing #guthealth Click To Tweet

I could write sonnets about how much I love Richard Simmons.

Now, because I love you, I’m sharing the PERFECT JUICE RECIPE. I’ve been into juicing since Christmas. My daughter asked Santa for a juicer, and I don’t know how I lived without one.

My Beat the Bloat Juice

Beat the Bloat Juice

Beat the Bloat Juice
Save RecipeSave Recipe

What Goes In?

  • 1/4 small pineapple, chopped
  • 1 pink lady apple
  • 2 stalks celery
  • 1/2 cucumber
  • 1/2 inch ginger

Avengers, Assemble!

  2. stir.
  3. drink WITHOUT a straw

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