What Are You Listening To? The Ten Best Erotic Audiobooks.

When I first started really listening to audiobooks, (more than casually) I tended to listen only to adventurous novels with pesky life-or-death situations, a possible Cornucopia, and maybe there were a few young wizards…Eventually, I started listening to Stephen King novels like The Stand, and favorites like Good Omens. 

I avoided erotica like the clap. Both in its written form, and in audio. It’s not that I’m a prude–quite the opposite–it’s just that they had a pretty negative connotation in my mind. Like women who read and/or enjoyed erotica were those women. I am not one of those women. I am a strong woman who fully realizes her own sexuality and fucking owns it.

Until I realized I am not. I am a woman who wants to fully realize her own sexuality and fucking own it, and the fact that I judged the women and men who read these books based on that criteria made me a giant fucking hypocrite. Also, no one BATS AN EYE when men talk about pornography–and this is no where near the same thing, no matter how many times people call 50 Shades or Bared to You “mommy porn.” No, “mommy porn” is shirtless coffee served to me in bed before the children get up for the day, and he’s already brushed his teeth, and the door is locked. THAT is mommy porn.

Erotica is, well,

I’ll admit, I didn’t much like it at first. Much like the action of the content itself, the first time, if one chooses a partner badly, can leave much to be desired.

But then I listened to one borderline novel…and then another. And another. And it wasn’t bad! In fact, some of it was quite readable. Listenable? Either way.

Honestly, I will probably ALWAYS listen and read more to adventure and the less X-rated novels, but I no longer discount the genre, and I can even appreciate it.

Yes, it sometimes makes me blush red as poppies, and I’ve gotten into some sticky situations with them…like say, listening to it on speaker in your office, that you think will remain occupied only by yourself all day, and then your boss walks in, and sits back for awhile so he hears it, and then scares the ever-loving fuck out of you by tapping your shoulder and falling over onto the sofa in a fit of giggles like a 12 year old boy instead of a man somewhat later than mid-life.

Or maybe you’re listening to it while you’re baking. And you’re hearing impaired. And the kids are asleep. So it’s loud. And you’ve paused your scooping, entranced, listening. And your husband walks in. You don’t hear him. He gets quite quite the earful of Tavia Gilbert in flagrante delicto with…well…herself, and he walks behind you saying “is it hot in here because the oven is on, or because THAT’S A VERY INTENSE DESCRIPTION OF ORAL SEX?”

“um, I dunno. both? Want a snickerdoodle?”

Totally not embarrassed at.all. He probably loved it. He probably has an entire file folder on his ipad filled with Jeaniene Frost fanfic.

Though, I think a straight male may write an oral sex scene like handbook plays.

“You see, first, I had to scope out the field, get the lay of the turf. Then, I dug in and made sure I had room to circle the goal. I was ready for the long play–the hard-won finish!”

Sebastian York could still make it sound sexy.

Only, that was a vampire novel, so, throw in something about biting and blood.

So I’ve compiled the Ten Best Erotic Audiobooks I’ve listened to. *and I love audiobooks like whoa.

The Ten Best Erotica Audiobooks

Listen at your own risk.

WHAT are you listening to? The Ten Best #Erotic #Audiobooks Click To Tweet

1.

Narrated by Grace Grant, this book is very sexy. It hits a few of my “feminist miss” buttons, but the narration is so great, and the rest of the story is so fun, that it didn’t make me want to burn my bra or my audible gold membership.

2.

This is PNR that has mucho mucho mucho sexytimes. As usual, Tavia Gilbert, is amazing. The book is hotter than hell, and the story is great.

3.

Unexpected, wonderful narration by Juanita McMahon, and a story that will leave you in stitches. Truly spectacular.

4.

This series is really, really, really dirty.

This series is great. It deals with kinbaku, aka Japanese sexy bondage. It also has some REAAALLY unexpected bits. In some really unexpected places.

The series is narrated pretty evenly between Rachel Vivette and Luke Daniels. Trust me, it does have a good storyline. And not just in the way that Playboy has articles.

5.

This is my favorite of the series. All narrated by Max Bellmore, this series is super intense, but funny and sweet as well.

6.

This series. Oh, this series.

Narrated by Jill Redfield, this series is not only wonderfully hot, it’s LOUD AS HELL, so proceed with caution.

7.

SO UNEXPECTEDLY WONDERFUL. Really. I promise. The narrator sounds very young, but her timing is really good, and you can hear improvement through her catalog.

8.

This is my favorite book in the series. It has some of the issues that #1 book on this list has, but it’s so adorable in places, and so steamy in others, it’s really worth the listen.

9.

Kirstin Potter does a wonderful job in this series. It’s dark and sexy but, oddly, friendly? Gah, that sounds daft as I read it aloud, but I swear that it is. It’s happy hot? Saucy Sappy Sexy?

10.

The heat is as good as the sweet in this novel. The protagonist is so fucking swoon-worthy I may never regain composure. Johanna Parker is a delight, and I think she may have removable testicles somewhere, because GATDAMN, WOMAN!! So good.

What are you waiting for? Have some happy alone time with your earbuds and your battery operated buddy! No, I didn’t mean that. Wait.

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