Forceps and Foreplay?

For today’s entertainment…A book and vegan cookie butter. Both are sweet and naughty.

Want to know what’s sexy?

Pap smears. Or not. Actually, a pap smear is the second-least sexy thing in the world. Number one is obviously anything to do with the incoming Orange Gorilla of horror.

But pap smears are DEFINITELY number two. I would rather be forced to masturbate in public to a picture of Steve Harvey’s teeth than get a pap smear.

Those chompers right there are better birth control than the hairy naked dude who lives across the street from me. HE HATES CURTAINS, PEOPLE.

Anyway, so why on earth would I want to read a book about a hot gyno dude who falls in love with his undergraduate patient thus SMASHING THE FUCK OUT OF SOME ETHICS and perhaps leading this poor woman to an obsession with downstairs cleaning?

It’s mostly a self-cleaning oven, ladies. Don’t go crazy unless you want more yeast than a bakery in your bread box.

Because the cover was cute, and for some reason I was feeling like a frothy romance, and since the MC worked as a barista, and this book seemed about as heavy as a pornstar’s underwear drawer, I said “what the fuck?”

I picked it up, and I was glad I did.

Who’d have thought that such a silly premise would be so gauldamned engaging! Ok, to be honest, I read this a while ago, but since it was clear it would be a part of a series, I waited until more came out before recommending it to you scamps. I’ve been burned before. First book? FABOO!! Go forth and read? Second book? IT IS TOO EARLY TO JUMP OVER PREDATORY FISH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BETWEEN ONE AND TWO?!? Thankfully, not the case here. If anything, they’ve gotten better–funnier.

Back to gorgeous gyno! I should give you the blurb.

I have a history of picking the wrong guy. Gay? Player? Momma’s boy? Check, check and check.

Now I can’t stop fantasizing about one of the customers at the coffee shop I work at between classes. It’s just a harmless crush, right? It’s not like I ever see this guy outside of the coffee shop. It’s not like I’m going to see him while attempting to get birth control at the student clinic. While wearing a paper gown. While sitting on an exam table. Because he’s the doctor. Shoot. Me.

But what if, for once, the man I’ve had the dirtiest, most scandalous fantasies about turned out to be everything but wrong?

“Hi, I’m hot Doctor Luke, and I’m at your cervix. No need to speculum if I know how to manage what’s between your legs–it’s my specialty.” (lines that should be in the book, but aren’t, so I’m adding them.)

This book is over-the-top and romantic and hilarious, but more than that, it’s actually a page turner. Like, you find yourself invested in this HIPAA disaster waiting to happen! Sophie is completely believable in her insanely unbelievable story–if that makes sense. Luke is a romance hero, so there has to be a fantastical element to him, he has to be more than mere conjured images and ideal bits of personality, but it really works. Jana Aston allows this book to ebb where it needs, flow where it needs, (not just for 5-7 days a month) and apply lubricating jelly as appropriate. (Because homeboy has access to so much of it. He probably even has a warmer. Cold lubricating jelly is no one’s friend. I mean, unless you’re into that, then, feel free to go full frosty the snow dick, I won’t judge.)

Don’t get me wrong, the premise is still deeply unsettling, but I think that’s maybe part of why I liked it. Honestly, I don’t even know who I am anymore, I hate taboo novels. I don’t want anyone’s step-anything or…no wait, that’s a lie. I like the Charlaine Harris step sibs novels. OK! I definitely don’t like Professor/Student romances…fuck, also a lie. What was that one I liked where he was the Shakespeare/drama professor and they met at a bar when he was wearing a leather jacket? I AM ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE THAT THERE IS NO ROOM IN THIS WORLD FOR TWINCEST. This is absolutely true. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?! No, really, I’m totally judging you if you are into Wincest or any other twincest. There is so much no there, I can’t even unpack all of it.

Sophie and Luke are great, though. Definitely not related. Definitely May/December. Definitely DTF.

Four stars.

My latest 4* review and a recipe for GF/DF cookie butter! Everyone wins. Except Americans, we're still screwed. But we'll go down in sugar! Click To Tweet

Recipe, Please!

Vegan Speculum Speculoos Spread aka Vegan Cookie Butter

vegan cookie butter

Vegan cookie butter. Cookie butter is dirty enough all on its own, but come ON, how could I not fuck with the play on words?


Moving on. This shit is as addictive as Jana Aston’s books, so hop up on the table and get yourself some.

Forceps and Foreplay?
Save RecipeSave Recipe

What Goes In?

  • 1/2 cup vegan butter substitute
  • 1/3 cup dark brown sugar
  • 1/3 cup powdered sugar
  • 1/2 cup rice flour
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/2 tsp ginger
  • pinch each of clove, allspice, nutmeg
  • 2 tbsp maple syrup
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

Avengers, Assemble!

  1. blend the hell out of all the ingredients.
  3. refrigerate and try not to eat so much you make yourself sick.
  4. trust me.

Nutrition Facts
    Amount Per Serving
  • Calories 81
  • % Daily Value*

  • Total Fat: 0 g 0%
  • Saturated Fat: g 0%
  • Cholesterol: mg 0%
  • Sodium: mg 0%
  • Potassium: mg 0%
  • Total Carbohydrate: 20 g %
  • Sugar: g
  • Protein: 1 g
  • Vitamin A: 0%
  • Calcium: mg 0%
  • Iron: mg 0%
  • * Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

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