Ok, so I made awesome vegan chocolate chai waffles for this post, so hold onto your butts.
You know what kind of post I’ve not done in FOREVER?!
So I’m doing one.
This series is for the PNR lover. A purist. Someone who loves all the silly trappings of the genre. Fated mates. Long-lived vampires. Bunnies who turn into people. Magical ninja butlers who could kill you with kitchen fork–or their minds…An abundance of bonerjamming.
This series is for the ones who miss Buffy. The ones who thought that the campy nature of True Blood was part of its charm.
It’s for the readers who can finish this phrase: “Bears, beets…” with absolutely no prompting.
It’s for the readers who wish that just once, Will Ferrell would admit he’s a Panda shifter. (WE KNOW IT’S TRUE!)
It’s for anyone who’s read a vampire/shifter/magic book and thought, “damn, this shit is funny, but it would be even better if there was zero sexual assault.” Like, none at all. Like, not even the whispers of the raping. NOT EVEN REMOTELY RAPEY. Everyone keeps their hands, dicks, vag, and mouth out of everyone else’s until EXPLICIT CONSENT IS GIVEN. Like, “you know what would be awesome with these chocolate chai waffles? Your penis in my ladyflower.” WIN/WIN.
It’s one I don’t even know if I’ve tweeted, and for that I am truly sorry. I am a horrible person and you may commence with the torture.
way harsh, Tay.
Anyway…here it is. And duh–affiliate linkarooni.
It’s the Bewitched and Bewildered series by Alanea Alder.
From Book 1: When the topic of grandchildren comes up during a weekly sewing circle the matriarchs of the founding families seek out the witch Elder to scry to see if their sons have mates. They are shocked to discover that many of their son’s mates are out in the world and are human!
Fearing that their future daughter in laws will end up dead before being claimed and providing them with grandchildren to spoil, they convince their own mates that something must be done. After gathering all of the warriors together in a fake award ceremony the witch Elder casts a spell to pull the warrior’s mates to them, whether they want it or not.
Aiden McKenzie is adamant that he doesn’t need a mate and that she would only get in the way. He doesn’t have time to coddle a female. He likes his world run with military precision. Little does he realize, Fate is sending him his mate first! He meets his destined mate Meryn Evans and things go downhill from there. She is the embodiment of chaos. In the first twenty-four hours she kicks, screams and knocks her bear shifting mate unconscious.
Eventually they discover that life before finding each other may have been good, but life afterwards is perfect, even if it involves super soaker battles and accidentally discharging hand grenades.
Unfortunately the joy of their mating is overshadowed when Aiden and Meryn find themselves embroiled in a missing persons case assigned to Aiden by the Lycaonian Council. By assisting Aiden, Meryn finds herself the focus of a demented killer.
Can Aiden and the elite warriors from the Alpha Unit keep Meryn safe? Or did Fate bring her to Lycaonia to die?
Because sometimes I’m fucking tired of defending PNR like it should be my dirty little secret. It’s as though the talking wolf scene in Twilight has laid its weird growly taint over an entire genre–and now it’s like admitting you love is like saying that you are super ok with mediocre writing and excessively faux-prosaic dialogue.
Fuck that noise. This is a fun series. It’s laugh out loud hilarious. I have devoured and re-eaten
out each of the characters and books. YES. You will like this even if killer bunnies who fall down a lot aren’t your bag. But, if you’re anything like me, and you wish your partner were a werewolf so that you’d have a magical furry foot warmer, or that you were a werewolf so that you could EAT ALL OF THE FOODS ALL OF THE TIME, you’re going to be knocked out by this series.
Alanea Alder’s Bewitched and Bewildered series is a joyful cornucopia of everything that makes paranormal romance fantastic and engaging. Her stories are hilarious and touching with enough heat to make a dragon jealous. Each character is more lovable than the last, and I eagerly await the next installment like I eagerly await my next martini–or orgasm. Simply put; this is the funny PNR to bring back the devotees experiencing genre ennui, and the one to recruit others to the dark side.
Literally, the steward/right hand man/butler/protector/squire/awesome jack of all trades character, Ryuu, in this series, cooks LITERALLY EVERYTHING ON PLANET EARTH. He’s Japanese–and some sort of magical ninja creature–so a lot of his food is Japanese in origin. BUT, he makes magic breakfasts and puddings. So I thought I would combine my favorite foods into one, glorious waffle that I think even the pickiest of nerds would love. The chocolate chai waffle. OH YES.
What Goes In?
- 2 tbsp ground flax mixed with 7 tbsp water, stirred together and set aside for 5 minutes
- 1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1 tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1 tsp garam masala
- 1/2 tsp cinnamon
- 1 cup vanilla soy milk
- 2 cups AP flour
- 1 cup chocolate chips
- preheat waffle iron
- combine all ingredients-no special order needed
- spray iron with cooking spray
- ladle 1/2 cup batter into waffle iron
- cook to just over medium (or however yours works).
- top with coconut cream and strawberries. (coconut cream mixed with confectioner's sugar and vanilla)