The Lies Our Elders Tell Us…and Waffles.

Lately, I’ve been in a bit of a funk. I’ve not been able to work out for a FREAKING MONTH, and it’s driving me batshit insane. I’ve become somewhat more of a fidgety mess. Most things in my life have suffered for my lack of movement. Being on the *insertsportsingacronymforhealthrelatedbenchinghere* list, has taken its toll. … Read more…

Me and My Kinky Ass.

Oh good grief, I am a hot mess today. You see, yesterday was both a national holiday, and my long run day of the week. Great, right? You’d think so. However, because I had, you know, time, I decided I’d do an extra-long stretch session once I returned home. Also great, right?

WRONG.

You see, Saturday was “Bring a buddy to CrossFit” day, and also a bit of a fun CrossFit competition within my box. Kind of like intramural sports. Well, I should tell you that going “balls to the wall” at CrossFit, after finishing your first week of marathon training, is ill-advised at best.  185lb deadlift? SURE! First real attempt at butterfly pull-ups? GREAT! Burpees and row? AWESOME. While we’re at it, why don’t we throw in some power snatches? FANTASTIC.  Things I probably shouldn’t have done two days before my long run and long stretch? A double-day at Crossfit.

I ended up with a kink in my ass. A kink to end all kinks. This was shibari mixed with furries level of kink. This was an American Horror Story themed issue of Hustler sized kink in my glutes. To put it mildly, I was considering rolling out the knot with a ball gag.

So, of course, I followed that up with a day of becoming one with the sofa, and then… FIFTEEN MILES, average pace 7:58/mi.

To be honest, it was a great run. The whole time I was running, I just felt right. It felt damn good. It was 35°F, no wind, my running shirt had thumbholes, and my running vest had fig and honey jellies in it. (I’ll make a blog of these soon. They’re an all-natural, shelf stable alternative to shot bloks and gus. Also, since they’re made with honey, they have additional benefits like combating runners sickness and the nutrients are more bioavailable.) Basically, the entire run, I felt like this…

Until I started foam rolling. Foam rolling was agonizing. Every time I rolled over my right glute, I felt the pain and tightness radiate up my back and down my leg. It was excruciating. It was as necessary as breathing at that point. That knot had to go. I gritted my teeth as the Navajo helped roll me back and forth over the tube of doom.

When the man got home, I said “You’ve got to rub my ass.” The look he gave me indicated he did not understand the massive amount of “ow” I was experiencing. I quickly disabused him of any notion of possible extra-curricular activities that did not include icy hot and extensive discussion of Bart Yasso. (if this is your idea of sexy sexy, please reconsider, that is not what Icy Hot is made for, and I think it could injure the areas we pointed to on a doll that one time in grade school as a place “NO ONE SHOULD TOUCH!”)

It turns out, having your husband massage your ass is not as good a solution as one would hope. It TICKLED. Like CRAZY. This seemed to make it all the more pervtastic, as I was laughing hysterically, and everyone knows that no man can resist a woman who has lost her damn mind and is lazing about in a Batman tee shirt and boxer briefs, while smelling of mentholatum.

It’s a *little* bit better today, and I am hoping that the 6 “shake out” miles that I have scheduled for today will help. For now? Ibuprofen and water. Lots of water.

Until tonight? a recipe.

I make these string beans all the time. My kids just go gaga for them. It’s an easy and healthy way to get them to eat greens without complaint.

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

 

 

Healthy Take-Out Style Green Beans

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes

Keywords: saute appetizer side Chinese

Ingredients (serves 4)

  • 1 lb of cleaned, tipped string beans
  • 2 tbsp high heat oil. (cold pressed grapeseed or canola or coconut)
  • 2 tbsp LOW SODIUM oyster sauce
  • 1 tsp red pepper flake
  • 1 tsp ground fresh ginger
  • 2 tsp ground fresh garlic

Instructions

steam the green beans in a pot of 2″ of water until they turn bright green

transfer to ice bath

pull out and let dry

heat oil in a wok on HIGH

when oil is shimmering, add beans

toss until each bean gets a bit fried

turn down heat to medium and add additional ingredients.

stir to coat and cook one more minute

serve hot or at room temperature.

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Sapere Aude

As I type this, I have my children watching Cosmos on Netflix. It’s an hour of keeping the kids lulled by the sweet, dulcet tones of Neil DeGrasse Tyson and his love of logic and science. I want my kids to be dreamers. I want them to question everything. I want them to question me, you, their teachers, everyone and everything. Every time they don’t find an answer, I want them to dig deeper, search harder, and seek to find. Nullius in Verba.

The place I take the kids most-often in the winter months is the American Museum of Natural History, and the Hayden Planetarium. They love strolling the halls of Science and paleontology, marine life and folk art. They ask question after question about who and what came first, and where it is we’re headed. My son could spend hours in the planetarium, simply mesmerized by the grandeur of the cosmos which is so difficult to see in NYC, with all of its light pollution. “What’s beyond our galaxy, Mama? What happens if you throw a magnet in a black hole? Could Zeus make lightning on Jupiter?” He may or may not have seen me watch a silly documentary called Chariots of the Gods on Netflix. Aliens+gods+pyramids+beer and a sofa=awesome night at home.

I remember watching the original Cosmos with Carl Sagan in reruns on PBS as a kid. I was instantly enamored by his easy manner and fervent passion. He also had some boss blazer and turtleneck combinations. He remained important to me even through my turbulent teenaged battle between where and how my faith and science could fit together. I was taught that evolution was a joke, that we aren’t a changing universe. I was taught this in spite of the fact that I could SEE evolution. I could SEE changes in the universe. Somewhere, deep inside my mind, lived the quiet words of Carl Sagan, just waiting to be given an ear, and a fistful of curiosity. I am so grateful for that.

Now? My kids have ample opportunities to question, to seek, to know. The can go to the museum, or the library, or even just an iPad. They can watch Into the Universe with Stephen Hawking  and then scroll through the Science News and Discoveries App, and see what correlates.

We are lucky to live in an era that between My Little Pony and Transformers, there is NGD and Hawking, open and accessible at the press of button.

On a compleeeetely different note, you know I’ve been training for my first triathlon. You also know I’ve been terrified of riding bicycles. Lately, I’ve been doing REALLY well on the bike. Yes, I’ve fallen, but it WASN’T THAT BAD. I mean, I’m a klutz. I’ve fallen HARD just by walking! So it wasn’t really that bad. I didn’t break both arms, my cheekbone, and grind my teeth! So…WINNING! (I fell down the stairs at fifteen and did just that. You know, WALKING.)

Anyway, I typically like to listen to audiobooks when I cook, but because I’ve been baking and cooking up a storm for triathlon fuel, I’ve been watching documentaries on my tablet. Biking and running documentaries. By the dozen. Yesterday, while making the recipe featured on today’s blog, I watched Rising from Ashes on Netflix, and was immediately inspired and immediately felt like an asshole for eating batter while watching a documentary featuring bicyclists who overcame GENOCIDE to keep on riding.

Yup, asshole party of one.

I got over it by watching Run for Your Life: The Fred Lebow Story on Netflix after the biking movie. I felt SMUG. I like SMUG. Smug is a comfy duvet of self-aggrandizement. The whole thing reminded me of the fact that unlike Boston, my marathon allowed women runners THE VERY FIRST YEAR. (so she got sick and couldn’t run. WHO CARES?!?!?!) Proving once and for all, NYC kicks Boston’s ass in all things, not just city layout and baseball. BOOM!

Now? Food for your Face.

Almond Banana Power Balls

all-natural, nutrient dense, happy balls of yum.

almond banana power balls almond banana power balls

Almond Banana Power Balls

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 15 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Keywords: bake appetizer bread breakfast dessert snack vegetarian soy-free kosher gluten-free dairy-free

Ingredients (1 dozen balls)

  • 1 cup almonds
  • 1 1/3 cup whole-grain oats
  • 1 egg
  • 1 very ripe banana
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 3 tbsp honey

Instructions

Preheat oven to 350F

grind together nuts and oats in a food pro

when smooth-ish add in remaining ingredients

stick in freezer for 10 minutes

scoop onto greased baking sheet

bake for ten minutes or until golden brown

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Though Netflix sponsored these posts, all opinions and recipes are my own.
Though Netflix sponsored these posts, all opinions and recipes are my own.

Amazon is Out of its Hive.

Hold onto your collective asses; it’s my summer “must read” list of 2014. Must read books for summer. I’m not going to do what Amazon is doing, and suggest “beach reads,” that should be titled “books if you like to sob so hard in public that your nose becomes a fire extinguisher of mucous, and … Read more…