New Year, New You, New Crapload of Stupid Diets!

I can’t even begin to tell you how many emails I have recieved promising my readers “awesome weight loss” or “a whole new perspective on getting healthy”. It’s friggen comical. Every mother trucking television show this morning revolved around getting organized, losing weight, quitting smoking, etc. Let’s start small. (stop me if you’ve heard that … Read more…

You Eat the Blue Balls, Britney.

My foot is no better today than yesterday. This is highly irritating to me. I fully expected to go to bed and wake up with a pain-free, size 8 foot. If I can drop 20 clothing sizes, (I was a 26 at my highest) why can’t I drop a measly 3 shoe sizes? SOMEONE GET … Read more…

This is My Rifle, This is My Gun, This One’s For Shooting, and So is This One.

Apparently, there are now places that have video games hanging above urinals that use a dude’s stream as a gun and aiming device. (to the 6 men who read my blog, I can hear you googling and gulping down your gatorade-cut it out) Men just never get over aiming at things. When we were potty … Read more…

Peeing on a Pedophile’s Lap

Guess what’s back at Starbucks!!! Gingerbread Lattes and Gingerbread Biscotti–both get capitalized because of their importance in my life. That means it’s officially time to get your mother loving holly jolly Christmas on. Did you send your Christmas cards? Did you buy all of your gifts? Did you sit on the creepy mall pedophile’s lap … Read more…

Red and Juicy.

So simple. So Perfect.So delicious. I love tomatoes. Together with berries, peaches, and “True Blood” (more specifically, the men of “True Blood”) combine to make my favorite summer treats. This is one of my go-to snacks in the summer, sliced tomatoes with grated parmesan, sea salt, and EVOO. Fresh and local, there is no time … Read more…