Woman Crush Wednesday: Heroines Who Kick Ass.

Today is a NEW DAY! A NEW SERIES! *I’m getting to the point with series, where I’ll need to figure out how to code a drop-down menu.

And happy birthday, JGL. You have NO IDEA who I am, but judging by your lack of aging, YOU, SIR, are a singing vampire!

Woman Crush Wednesday

Isn’t it just SPLENDID!?

Ok, so, I’ve been reading a fuckton of historical literature. (As in literature from antiquity, not the latest rom-com starring Chairman Mao and his brief, but horrent affair with his pet llama, Sunny.) On top of that, I’ve read my normal span of novels–mostly romance–and I’m ten shades of sick of reading lapdog heroines. They’re not even heroines at this point. They’re creepy crappy Stepford political wives who just smile blithely as they listen to the press tell them how their husband was caught choking a hooker in a Motel 6 while dressed like one of those plural wives from Colorado City.

Because of this, I’ve been revisiting my favorite boss ladies. So much so, I’ve decided to give them their own series. These women take no shit, give no fucks, make up their own mind, and generally kick ass. 

Not me, Leslie. Not. Me.

Today’s #WomanCrushWednesday belongs to Charley. Charley Davidson of the Charley Davidson series.

Charley is a particular lady. She likes her car miserable, her margaritas strong, her coffee sweet, her men hellcats, and her dead people–well–dead, I guess.

Because Charley Davidson is the Grim Reaper.

 

Don’t RUN!! You have PLACES TO CROSS TO!!

Charley first appears in:

I read this gem all the way back (a long time ago) and re-reading it reminds me it’s just as bitingly wonderful as it was the first time I experienced it.

Charley is an independent woman who has few close friends, but they are as close to family as makes no nevermind. She’s smart. She has a heart of pure gold, and an aura to match. She fights for truth, justice, and…wait, wrong series. Fuck it, it applies. She really, truly cares about the little guy, even to–and frequently to–her own detriment. She is self-sacrificing for those who deserve it, not to some douche bouquet who belittles her. In fact, the man she’s chosen as a life parter, who may or may not be (is) the son of Satan, believes in her strength even more than she does.

Darynda Jones writing of this funny, strong, kickass heroine is so precise and gripping that every installment is like a cut in time. The time without? The time between novels? It all ends up in those weird gravitational folds they just found. Or it’s wherever hair ties go. (Where DO they go? I swear to Satan’s sexy son I just bought a pack of FIFTY!)

Charley Davidson is exactly who you wish could don a fun lycra (or fleece, because comfort is important) unitard and fight the world’s evils with Aquaman and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Charley Davidson is the kind of character that I wish I could pull from the sexy romance novel and into a graphic novel to read to my daughter and say “HEY, BE LIKE HER!!” She may be the gateway after death, but she values the innocence and experience of life and all its virtues.

She’s also a kickass audiobook. As you may recall, I discussed Charley in her narrator’s auralgasms post. Lorelei King is such an amazing narrator, that even thinking of Charley, I think of Lorelei reading “Right?” or this gem:

Charley Davidson

I can hear her say “testicles” right now. It’s so soothing. Or, you know, whatever.

Do yourself a favor. PICK UP THESE BOOKS.

And now?

Recipe, Please!

Ok, for this lady I had three options: mochalattes, tacos (of the macho sort), or margaritas.

Guess which I picked?

I LOVE TEQUILA!!

I also love creamsicles, and since going vegan, no creamsicles. So I made a creamsicle margarita. With clementines.

Clementine Creamsicle Margarita

#womancrushwednesday Heroines Who Kick Ass.Feat. @Darynda & Clementine Creamsicle Margaritas,… Click To Tweet

clementine creamsicle margaritas #vegan clementine creamsicle margaritas #vegan clementine creamsicle margaritas #vegan

 

Clementine Creamsicle Margaritas #vegan

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Keywords: beverage vegan

Ingredients (2 cocktails)

  • 4 oz GOOD tequila
  • 4 oz clementine (or orange juice)
  • 1 tsp lime juice
  • 1 tbsp Coco Lopez (microwave for 10 seconds to liquefy) or 1 tbsp sweetened condensed milk
  • splash vanilla extract

Instructions

shake ingredients with ice.

strain into glass.

garnish with clementine segments

drink.

responsibly.

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Auralgasms #4

YAYAYAYAYYY!!!

ONE WEEK UNTIL THE BOSTON MARATHON!!!

*insert nervous vomiting here.*

Ok, Ok, let’s get beyond the nervous gag reflex and move onto happier subjects. Namely: AUDIOBOOKS!

Because, it’s time for:

Auralgasms.

 

This week’s narrator is OH SO very satisfying. Actually, she was the first narrator I ever  listened to!

When I was pregnant with the Peanut, I was placed on bed rest. I don’t know if you know this, but BED REST SUCKS YOUR SOUL OUT OF YOUR EARS AND SLINGS ARROWS AT YOUR HAPPY.

Beyond that, my hyperemesis was giving me such bad vertigo that I couldn’t read without getting dizzy. I would get about ten pages into something, and spots would appear on the page, and the nausea would become so overwhelming that I would have to lie on my side with a pillow over my head for complete darkness. It was miserable.

I needed an alternative. I’d watched every Golden Girls episode 198357x, I could quote entire scenes from Wes Anderson films, and DJ Lance from Yo Gabba Gabba had infiltrated my dreams at night.

On a whim, I took out my 3g iPhone to see if Amazon sold audiobooks. (This was earrrrly 2011, and I don’t think I even owned a KINDLE at that point.) Lo and behold! HUZZAH! There was an APP FOR THAT.

That night, and I think it was release day, I purchased my very first audiobook:

I had never before heard of the author. I had certainly not heard the narrator read another story. However, the subject matter intrigued me, the narrator had killer ratings, and JUST LOOK AT THOSE SHOES, THAT SCYTHE, that manicure. 

I listened to the brief sample, and I thought “well this is different, but okkkkk.”

An hour later, I was hooked. I didn’t come up for air until it was finished. My husband and son must have thought I’d gone into some weird pregnant-lady trance to cope with the drudgery of being forced to lie about like some sort of land-stranded manatee.

The narrator, Lorelei King, was my gateway drug. She was the one to give me my first auralgasm.  I was blown away that having the book read to me could not only be an efficient manner in which to feed my incessant need for books, but that it could also enhance the enjoyment of the experience of reading.

Lorelei King’s narrations are second to none. It’s impossible to tally the numbers of characters she has going at any one gallop. I’m certain that she lives with a cast of at least 50 (that I could count in research for this post) in her head every day.

I’m not lying. I counted fifty individual voices. I’d also be lying if I told you I didn’t buy more of the books she’s narrated as “research.”

Sidenote: did you know they’ve put Louisa May Alcott on audio? I squeed. (loudly, and to tangible, physical effect.)

She narrates TWO of my favorite series: Mercy Thompson and the above mentioned Charley Davidson. I’ve reached the point where I don’t even buy the kindle version of those books, JUST the audiobook. If Lorelei King isn’t reading it to me?

Lorelei King’s comedic timing could set the international clock it’s so fucking perfect. I’m not kidding. There have been times, where I was just in awe. In one of the Charley books, I can’t remember which, Charley makes a very funny quip about how she acquired a jockey from either a hockey or soccer team. I remember A: laughing hysterically, and B: being completely wowed. It was as though Lorelei King was absolutely making it up on the fly, just as though she’d thought of the joke just then. Exactly as intended.

Flawless.

 

Incredible, right?

Want to know the WILDEST thing (in my opinion) about Lorelei King?

Ok, so most narrators have a pretty recognizable speaking voice. If you hear them in a conversation, you recognize their speech as their “base” voice. That vaguely familiar inner-monologue or “God voice” that runs through the books they narrate.

Lorelei King sounds NOT ONE FUCK like her conversational voice you hear over the radio or in an interview and it SCREWED WITH MY DAMN MIND.

por ejemplo:

What.The.Actual.Fuck.

That means that every single voice this woman records is a character. Let that sink in.

Mind.Blown.

She’s also apparently quite lovely, because when I asked her on the twitter if she had a favorite sweet, she was awesome and responded.

She happened to mention two of my favorite things: pistachio and meringue. 

Immediately, I thought of my latest NYC obsession: merveilleux. It’s a Belgian/French treat made of meringue cookies stacked with fresh whipped cream, and rolled in something awesome. I’ve made a few variations, and I have to tell you, this one is my favorite so far.

Pistachio and Orange Blossom Merveilleux

A delicate Merveilleux with orange blossom whipped cream and rolled in toasted pistachios.

pistachio and orange blossom merveilleux

#Auralgasms featuring @loreleiking AND! Think French pastry is difficult? YOU'RE RIGHT! but I can… Click To Tweet

pistachio and orange blossom merveilleux

 

Pistachio and Orange Blossom Merveilleux

by Cat Bowen

Prep Time: depends if you make your own m

Cook Time: see above.

Keywords: bake appetizer breakfast dessert cake cookie

Ingredients (6 merveilleux)

  • 12 meringue cookies. I like this recipe.

for the cream

  • 10 oz box heavy whipping cream
  • 1/2 cup confectioners sugar, sifted
  • 1 tsp orange blossom water
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

toppings

  • roasted, salted, crushed pistachios
  • orange or clementine zest.

Instructions

to make the whipped cream

whip the cream in a mixer with the whisk attachment on high

when it starts to peak, sift in the sugar

slowly add water and extract

Avengers, ASSEMBLE!

place six of the meringues top up

pipe or scoop a few tbsp of cream onto each meringue

place another meringue on top, face down

smear the sides of each meringue stack with whipped cream like you would frost a cake

roll in pistachio

freeze for 30 minutes

pipe a rosette on top of each stack and top with zest and nuts!

EAT THIS RTF AWAY!

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