LET IT BE KNOWN!!
I wrote this review after drinking the recipe/props (because it had soda in it and would go flat, I’m not one to waste, people!!) and therefore, just, well, I’m a bit arfarfan’arf. Also, I will also be injecting Victorian slang into the post, because I can. *here’s a helpful list. I will also try to throw in nonsense words made up by Victorian authors, e.g. “bandersnatch” a la Lewis Carroll, because it sounds dirty, and he was a buttoned-up religious mathematician with a million kids–so you know he got freaky. He just did it missionary style–as was proper. (But I hear his wife oft yelled what was written on Alice’s cake’s label.)
Let’s get busy.
A few (three?) weeks ago I got the happiest of the happies email (in Victorian, we’ll call that “magic box messaging”–which should not be confused with “magic box massaging”–which is entirely different.) It was the ARC for A Very Proper Monster by Elizabeth Hunter. (appearing in a duo with Grace Draven titled Beneath a Waning Moon out Oct 1)
Holy, omg, Batman! She wrote A PARANORMAL HISTORICAL ROMANCE. Don’t worry, I didn’t faint. There may have been swooning. I will not lie, Elizabeth Hunter is a chuckaboo of mine, but that doesn’t mean I’d review it if I thought it was not up to dick. However, this novella, this snippet, is up to a lot of dicks. Like, a passel of dicks. (Wait…I can come up with a better collective noun)..a Nixon of dicks.
So, hold on to your Nixons, folks. Get this!! Remember how, like, a minute and a half ago, Elizabeth Hunter released The Scarlet Deep? Yes? Well, remember Tom?! The big, burly son of Murphy? The former fighter? The sexy ogre of Dublin? Yes? This is HIS STORY. And that of his super sweet, batshit crazy mate, Josephine.
We get their story. We are able to understand how this dynamic couple came to be. Turns out, Josephine, who in Victorian times was wealthy enough to be “eccentric” and not “off her damned meds” or “creative,” was already quite dying when Tom was conscripted by his sire to court her. FUCKING CONSUMPTION, AMIRITE?!
Here’s the thing: Lady Coughsalot doesn’t know that the enormous dude fixing to make her his–is a walking magic bloodmobile.
Thank goodness she is a fan of the bite bros, and happens to be enamored with the dark tales of the creatures of the night, because she is able to envision the life of the undead as housing a lot more of a nanty narking than could other mortals.
I really, really want to tell you about my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE BIT of the book, which occurs after Josephine is turned (not a shocker–we knew this from her previous books) and JoJo goes balls-to-the-wall Angelina Jolie in Girl, Interrupted JABBERWOCKY on someone and Tom comes in after.
It’s fucking amazing, and you should read this short little novella if only for that scene.
I have never been disappointed by Elizabeth Hunter’s books. This novella proved no exception. I liked it so much, I wanted more. I wanted a full 200+ pages of batshit and bigdude after bedtime. With this novella, Elizabeth Hunter proves that she is able to write not only spectacular modern fiction, but phenomenal historical fiction as well.
And I want more.
Seriously, if she wrote a steampunk novel wherein a lady privateer shapeshifts into a Kracken to Robin Hood the fuck out of some rich whalers, and then falls in love with an Orca shifter and they make whale-o-pus babies who own a sushi bar dirigible, I’d read it.
Four Big, Beefy Punches.
Then I’d make this cocktail inspired by the book.
Because I DON’T LIKE WHISKY or Whiskey or whatever, I used moonshine–which is a whiskey/whisky CORN BOOZE, but I like it.
Apple Pomegranate Moonshine PunchReview: A Very Proper Monster and Recipe: Apple-Pomegranate Moonshine Punch. #books #booze Click To Tweet
Apple Pomegranate Moonshine Punch
Prep Time: 2 minutes
Ingredients (2 cocktails)
- 2.5 oz Apple Pie Moonshine
- .5 oz cinnamon schnapps
- juice and arils of one medium pomegranate (pith picked out)
- 3 oz club soda
- sliced apple
separate arils from juice by straining
shake ingredients together with ice sans arils, soda, and apple slices
strain into two glasses
top with soda and arils, add slices